bit down

i'm feeling a bit down about the whole kendo thing just now...well actually feeling a bit down abt most things...school's going alright actually...apart from all the work that's going to come soon...it just keeps piling on, cos i don't do anything about it...not good...
and yeah, caroline...i miss her...it feels like it's so long...and the whole thing seems to go up and down a lot...with more downs than usual...i guess it's stress and lack of sleep on my part...

but back to kendo, i just don't feel like i'm going anywhere with it, i don't think i'm really much better than a few weeks after i started...wednesday's practice was quite cool, a bit boring if anything...but thursday's really good me down...we were doing men against motodatchi in bogu, and i just could not seem to get a decent men in there at all...i have done before, against a raised shinai and all, so i'm not sure if i'm getting worse or if it was partly nerves...i remember being scared by them in bogu...especially when they kiai to themselves...
sensei kind kept telling me to relax my shoulders and hit with my left hand...i'm trying concentrating on the shoulders, which gets me more stressed abt it...i guess that's partly where the whole no thinking thing comes into it...but there are so many things to think abt...i guess it's a matter of thinking about it until they become programmed into the body like walking or the like...might end up in suri-ashi going to the shops...
sensei kind of took me aside too and said that chacun a ses qualités, et chacun a ses propres difficultés...[mais je pense avoir plus de difficultés que de qualités...]
that actually helped me to feel a bit better...i think he actually notices me more than i'd always assumed he did...guess that's why he's sensei and i'm not...
bought a skipping rope in the hope that owning it will somehow make me fitter......

Kendooo

i'm not sure how good i'll be at doing thig...i find it quite hard to be honest when i'm writing...always try to hard to make it sound good...

my hope is that i can write a little journal type thing, in theory about kendo, but probably about everything else too...
i'm hoping that taking a note of each practice and how i feel will help me progress, or at least i can look at it and see if i have progressed or not...

if you're reading this, i guess you're either a strange person i don't know who's came across this, or a strange person i do know who's came across it...either way...clicking the google ads will help me by bogu...which is nice...